• Preparation is the secret of life.
• If you memorize these rules, you'll be able to graph anything under the Sun.
• It isn't the correct graph, but these are the neatest hash marks I have ever seen.
• That's how the game is played-break 'em up and add 'em.
• Mr. Ant just gets a suntan, not fried.
• I want you to try these in your seats.
• You have a real problem in this problem.
• Put a hole in it.
• It's zeroing in on zero.
• grains of sand you can put on one finger or two. (visual aid)
• Did I say that? Did I? Oh, oh, oh, yeah! I said that. Sorry.

• There are 4 ways to write a proportion, so you have a 50/50 chance of getting it right. -Sherri Nicewonger
• Yeah, that's a lady. But, hey, now what is she doing under a street light?
• I never did like algebra, but I still teach it.
• It just undoes it.
• Voila!!
• Oops. I missed it.
• If you liked that, you better hold on to your seats. Don't blink. Don't move. Don't breathe.
• When all else fails, read the instructions.
• Why that was so much fun, let's try another.
• Even the village idiot could figure out what X equals.
• Take the X over...make life a little easier.
• (on chalkboard) The secret of life is right here!!
• That's what happens when you try to sneeze and cough at the same time.
• If you don't understand now, you myswell go home until Thanksgiving.
• He will be our log expert. You might as well go into the lumber business.
• Someone's ten has some helium in it. It started to float away.
  • (referring to log when it should have been log)
• You've just about seen every equation under the Sun.
• Here, I'll give you some problems. No sense in me having all the fun.
• Anyone who misses a base problem should be knocked in the head and shot at dawn.
• 3 to the almost 4th will be almost 81.
• Every blessed thing...except one thing.
• The importance of synthetic division is almost like the invasion of Pearl Harbor.
• You gotta be dead not to get that.
• Hold on to your hats...now I'm goin' show you how to multiply.
• Everyday, Brian's back their givin' you zingers, Bridget.
• The Pythagorean Theorem...that should be comin' out your ears.
• Might have to spit on that.
• Tammy has the square roots workin' today.
• They add up to 360, but that doesn't mean squat!

• Remember Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood? We're going to pretend. I'll put my sneakers on later.
• Believe it or not, I am organized.

• There's going to be a fire drill in 5 minutes. You guys can stay here, otherwise the test would be null. I thought I would let you burn this time.

• One feet per second.
• This is quite a bit easier when you don't have to change nuthin'.

• Here we are, standing on the Earth moving at 994 MPH. That would be one heck of a wind.
• There is a whole bunch of inches per mile.
• It goes around a whole bunch of McDonald's.
• The wheel is going as fast as the road.
• Your feet cancel!!
• You're going to be loster.
• (class) Why are we doing this?!!
  (Mr. Hall) Something to do on a rainy day.
• Well, I'd be out on the street if you guys didn't learn this.

• Health is a good class. But, all you need to know is how to brush your teeth at night and to go to the bathroom when you get up.
• You divided by 'r'...that's not nice.

• That was fast, but infinitely fast is REAL fast! I mean a billion, trillion, zillion, miles per hour!

• Why did you guys ever take calculus?

• Page two...fifty...whatever-it-is.

• m=5x is like really steep.

• It's like distributive or something.

• (Mr. H) Tammy, are you raising your hand?
  (Tammy) No, I'm just stretching.
  (Mr. H) Well stop it.

• He's always right. He's Mr. Hall.
  • -Anonymous

• Infinity is like really big. (9/3/92)

• We did all that for nuthin', but we sure had alot of fun. (11/4/92)

• Oh look. It's the Math 1 parade. Let's pause for a moment of silence. (12/5/92)

• It's like a soup can, except without the top, without the bottom, and without the soup inside. (1/6/93)

• It's like a donut, but without the hole, and it's cut in half and it's on its side. (1/6/93)

• I don't have time to draw an infinite number. (1/6/93)

• We're talking an infinite roll of toilet paper. (1/6/93)

• Children, let's not worry about Pac-Man. (1/7/93)

• It's like commutative or something. (1/7/93)

• That's like asking 'How do you know it's not Wednesday?' (1/7/93)

• Kevin, get in your seat and shut up. (1/7/93)

• Well get your reclining brain in gear and start your work! (1/7/93)

• Don't become an engineer unless you're going to drive a train. (1/7/93)

• Oh geez...where am I at? (1/8/93)

• Whether you understand it or not, just take my word for it, then you'll be OK...most of the time. (1/8/93)

• It would be the last in an infinite number of shells. (1/11/93)

• All you can do is shut up! (1/13/93)

• These problems suck, man! (1/13/93)
  • -Pat Fanelli

• You can sleep soundly now knowing for sure that the circumference of a circle is 2r.

• Remember way back yesterday? (1/14/93)

• There's only two equations in calculus. Well, I shouldn't say that because there are a whole bunch for integrating. But besides those, there are only...yeah, there's only two. (1/14/93)

• If it were 40x2 or 40x3 or 40x3/2 or 40x to the anything, you have to integrate. (1/14/93)

• What are you chirpin' about back there, Tammy? (1/14/93)

• (Mr. H) Are you guys done back there?
  (Kevin/Pat) Yes.
  (Mr. H) Good. I won't have to throw anyone out today. (1/19/93)

• You guys mean you like 'commie-pinko' music? (after students sang 'It's Alright with Me') (1/19/93)

• Stay tuned for this if you thought that was good. (1/19/93)

• I was so bright, my father called me son. (1/20/93)

• I'm totally lost, but it works. (1/20/93)

• *******SAKE IN YOU FACE!!!******* (1/21/93)

• (Kevin) Bye, Mr. Hall.
  (Mr. H) Ten-four. (1/27/93)

• I'm not much of a bomb squad. (1/28/93)

• Good...I don't care. (after Kevin named e to 10 digits) (1/29/93)

• Sí, señorita. (to Jason) (1/29/93)

• (Julie) How do you know that?
  (Mr. H) Cause I'm right! (1/29/93)

• That's a natural log problem, and that's just that. (1/29/93)

• (Kevin) Mr. Hall, you got four good quotes today.
  (Mr. H) Thanks. That'll make my weekend.
  (Pat) Now it's five. (1/29/93)

• (Kevin) Why are there four people in the math office 6th period? Pat and I have to do it alone.
  (Mr. H) Well, you're just worth four people. Well, at least 3 ½. (1/29/93)

• 'e' to the natural log of something is the something. (2/4/93)

• See, you understood it, so quit your laughing. (2/4/93)

• (Kevin) Why do you use the natural log there?
  (Mr. H) Darned if I know. (2/8/93)

• Must've been the chicken nuggets I ate! (2/8/93)

• The answer is eight. Yeah, ocho. (2/11/93)

• Dave, nice of you to show up today. (2/11/93)
  • -Mr. Betar

• We don't have a curriculum. Don't worry about it. (2/18/93) (yes, ladies and gents, John Travolta's birthday)

• It takes every ounce of my being to refrain from loud, uncontrollable laughter. (2/22/93)
  • -Pat Fanelli, after straining mightily to figure out why Mr. Betar is principal

• I've been confused for the last ten minutes. (2/22/93)

• The great thing is that you can do it even if you don't have any parts. (2/23/93)

• We never did find out what the integral of this is, so if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! (2/24/93)

• Julie, I don't even know what planet you're on!! (2/25/93)

• I have to play poker tomorrow. I can't go to [Man of La Mancha]. I'll miss my son's basketball game, but I won't miss the card game. (2/25/93)

• If I don't win, I'll cheat. (2/26/93) (referring to the poker game)

• (Mr. H) We did it last period.
  (Tammy) We weren't here last period.
  (Kevin) She does have a point.
  (Mr. H) Yeah, right between her shoulders. (3/1/93)

• 2e, that's one of Donald Duck's nephews. You know...Huey, Dewey, and 2e. (3/1/93)

• You can work together on these. Move your desks together, stand on your head, whatever it takes. (3/2/93)

• Is there a little magical fairy in here that keeps skipping me? (3/2/93)
  • -Kevin Shock

• I'm ready for you today, Kevin, if you start mouthing off. (pulling masking tape from his desk) (3/9/93)

• You may ask, "What's that got to do with calculus?" (3/9/93)

• See, a good teacher would be prepared, but I figured, 'What the heck.' And a good teacher would've blown this up and put it on an overhead, but I'm not going to waste my time. (3/9/93)

• ..............duhh............... (3/9/93)

• (Kevin) I have a question.
  (Mr. H) No, no, shut up. (3/9/93)

• It's like trying to paint the ceiling with a hole in the roof. (3/11/93)

• Today is Pat's felice cucumbers (feliz cumpleaños). (3/11/93)

• (Tammy) Are you serious?
  (Mr. H) No. Actually, I'm Mr. Hall. (3/25/93)

• (Kevin) How did you do on your high school AP National Exam for calculus?
  (Mr. H) I didn't miss any...I didn't take calculus. They didn't start that until after the Civil War. (3/30/93)

• The [AP Exams] were harder in the '70s. They had messy, goofy, crazy, off-the-wall stuff then. (3/30/93)

• I just like to smell this stuff. (about his markers) (3/30/93)

• She accused me a making a rectangle, and actually, it was a tuna fish can. (3/30/93)

• (Mr. H) #14...D
  (Sherri) D?
  (Mr. H) Yes. D as in deaf. (4/17/93)

• Every year the Honor Society sells M&Ms for a fund raiser. $5 goes toward the trip, and I use the other $10 for my summer trip to Mexico. (4/17/93)

• (cough, cough) Sorry. Sloppy joes. (4/26/93)

• Why is it called a hurricane and not a heicane? (5/3/93)

• (Kevin) (about his sunburned head) Mr. Hall, how does your head feel?
  (Mr. H) Round. (5/3/93)

• October 31st...is that always Halloween? (5/4/93)

• Kevin, sit over there on the milking stool. In case a cow runs by, you'll be ready. (5/5/93)

• (Mr. H) Anybody want to rent one of these [calculators]?
  (Mr. Betar) Dave, this isn't funny. (5/12/93) (AP Calc Exam)

• Seal your Section 1 booklet with your white sticky labels. I think they're called 'seals'. (5/12/93) (AP Calc Exam) -Mr. Young

• I killed everybody in the world. I should be in first place. (5/13/93)

• Come on, Kevin. I want to kill you before the bell rings. (5/14/93)

(The following quotes have been found in the dark depths of Sherri's house. The dates are unknown, but they are still classic.)

• Kevin: "Where did that slice come from?"
  Mr. Hall: "What?! That's like asking the meaning of life."

• The solution is too far out to lunch.

• Some of you that are rich might have on an Omega watch or stole it.

• We're going to skip 5-8. I never really knew how to do them anyway.

• I can tell you guys anything. You wouldn't know the difference anyhow.

• Gravity pulls China stuff to the middle.

• Bud, do you and Jason want to take two erasers and clean the board? (Who was Bud?)

• Tammy, you moron!

• Look at them backwards, turn the card around, look in the mirror, I don't know.

• Doing logs is like followin' a recipe to make a cake.

• Student: "Who made up this stuff?"
  Mr. Hall: "I don't know. Harry Calculus. They named the course after him.

• The manure is getting very deep. I'll have to wear my waders tomorrow.

• When does the rabbit population be the biggest?

• You're a big boy now. You have to do the messy problems.

• Here's what I have after the smoke has cleared.

• That is a small reservoir, or a big one with not much in it.

• It's not the vacation. It's the car ride.

• Where did all the colored chalk go? Oh, someone must have ate it. It does look pretty good.

• Creamy curves, that's what I'm lookin' for.

• We could just eyeball it, but then we wouldn't need calculus. Then I would be out of a job. I guess we shouldn't do that.

• If someone hit you in the rear, that is, the derivative of acceleration.

• That's out the window, folks.

• If I knew the answer, I wouldn't ask you guys [how to do the problem].

• If it gets too messy, we'll just quit.

• Two of the easiest derivatives under the sun.

• Hate to waste a good problem.

• Mark [Grimm], you're goin' be shot at dawn.

• You'll get your money's worth on that one.

• You can't fool me. You guys are TRIGsters.

• Write it on the back of your hand, and don't wash it till May.

• I don't have enough time this afternoon to draw an infinite number of rectangles, so I'll draw four.

• 5 + 1 = 7

• Might have to brush up on your integration just a hair.

Here are a few more recent ones contributed by Mike Acker

• Forever is pretty long.
• Of course the ladder can fall infinitely fast.
• Disks and shells can be dx or dy, but all lead back to dhall.
• Of all the many numbers in the world, this one just happens to be 'e'
• It takes a big man to admit he's wrong, but it takes an even bigger man to make fun of that man.
• Student: I hate simplification.
  Mr. Hall: Me, too.
  Student: Mr. Hall, I think you should make the test.
  Mr. Hall: Oh, I agree (sipping his coffee)
• It matters not what we do on Friday, for we shall review Monday.